Bitch Bitch Bitch: Skrillex

I fucking hate dubstep.

No, seriously. I fucking hate dubstep. It's if trash compactors were given a drum track. The only plus side to 'scene' music-- which I'm guessing is either this or whatever you call BrokeNCYDE's abominations-- is the female fans it brings about.

No matter how many hot girls with the 'scene' look you can pull out of the dubstep fan following, it doesn't justify what the music (guh, I feel dirty describing it like that) is to me. So naturally, I would have a natural hatred for Skrillex, one of its pioneers.

Skrillex, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the 'band' or the 'solo project' or whatever the fuck it's supposed to be, is the stage name for Sonny Moore, former lead of rock band From First to Last (a band I've never really heard of nor heard before). He left that band in 2007 because of an unfortunate brain hemorrhage suffered on-stage that made him think 'say, I don't wanna make music anymore, I just want to get paid for fiddling with Audacity', said by doctors to be fatal within an unfortunately short 6 years.

No, none of that is true, but it sure as hell makes sense. The truth, however, is out there. Look it up.

There's something vaguely pretentious about Sonny and his music. I say vaguely because I don't know whether he deems his work 'art'-- if he does, fuck vaguely, the guy is totally pretentious. I say pretentious because I was skeptical of the first album My Name Is Skrillex released in June 7, 2010, skeptical of whether or not this was just a phase and he would go back to doing whatever it is that kept him off my radar. Of the songs on that album, well...."Weekends" starts off with this cut-up beat with someone shouting 'Pancake'. Besides 'It reminds me of Cabin Fever.', that's all I need to say about that one. "Fucking Die 1"......#1.) This is hardly the soundtrack to angry feelings and #2.) the song itself sounds like the outtakes of the music soundtrack to some NES game. It does not flow together the way it should, but rather keeps a bittersweet feeling in the pit of my already-aching belly. (When this happens, I throw up soon afterwards.) There's also a remix to this-- "Fucking Die 2", right after that song. If this song doesn't live up to the stereotype of dubstep to you, well...perhaps we should both redefine what the stereotype of dubstep is.

A.) Does this song have a beat that goes 'bwa-bwa-bwa-bwa-bwa'? You bet your ass it does!
B.) Does this song have a random sample that has nothing to do with the title of the song nor anything else within the song itself? What would a Skrillex song be without THAT? Of course it does!
C.) Is this song devoid of any melody? Why would it have a melody to begin with? Yes, yes it is!
D.) Is the song completely difficult to listen to in its entirety? That goes without saying :p

There are two other songs on the album, "My Name is Skrillex" and "Do Da Oliphant" but because I'm stretching far from the point I originally wanted to make I'm not going to get into either (especially when I don't know what Do Da Oliphant is supposed to mean). Now, I say Skrillex is pretentious because the first time churning out a turd could be deemed 'excusable' if you never do it again and maybe it'll be nostalgic after you're dead. Calling this 'shit my fans wanna hear' is cool and all....until the second album comes out.

And lo, it did, 4 months later (on an online streaming thingy). So now you know not only did it NOT take any effort whatsoever, the guy is deluding himself into thinking he's making music. And that's why I call him vaguely pretentious. The second album, Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites, is just as difficult to listen to as the first one was. The title track begins nicely enough...until that random sample of that cup-stacking 'Oh My Gosh' girl. And then it breaks into traditional dubstep.

UGHHHHHHHHHHH. And just when I thought we were gonna get good electronic music.

I'm not going to get into the rest of the album. I'm just going to say that this somehow brought people into liking this kind of stuff. No, it's not redeemable. It's different, however, which is the only justifiable reason why anyone would follow Skrillex in a world of arrogant and narcissistic rappers and YouTube kids getting music careers handed to them. Keep in mind this is a theory, though-- why it actually is popular eludes me because I'm on one side of the glass and the glass goes full circle...if that metaphor made sense to you at all.

It's because of any reason that this warranted a sequel, More Monsters and Sprites, released a year after his first album. This is the album where Skrillex's most likely well-known song "First of the Year (Equinox)" originates (the video appeared in a Beavis and Butthead episode). The video is great. The song....not so much. It starts off nicely and all, and then-- once again-- the sample from yet another YouTube video (This one, to be specific) creeps its way in and then it goes into traditional dubstep mode.

GAHHHHHHHHH!!!! STOP TRICKING ME INTO THINKING YOU HAVE A GOOD SONG, YA DOUCHE!!!


Anyway, I'm quite done in making my point. The next album is called Bangarang and will be physically available 19 days from the day this was posted (or, if you're reading this on the 24th of January, now). I expect that to be just as shitty as the last three were, based solely on the title alone. Whether my post persuaded you into buying a Skrillex album or throwing it out or not doing anything about it at all is irrelevant-- that's just what I think.

And so concludes another Bitch Bitch Bitch. My caption-to-bitch bitch bitch ratio is still unbalanced, I know.




     

Bitch Bitch Bitch: The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

This is even shorter than the last one because I can only come up with three words after approximately two decades of listening to this particular man sing songs of nostalgic value to me:

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

Bitch Bitch Bitch: Switch

This edition of Bitch Bitch Bitch involves a transgendered-themed movie called Switch.

I'm going to keep this as brief as I ultimately can because I don't remember much from the movie, though I do remember a few key spots here and there.

Switch (Jimmy Smits) is a 1991 film starring two people you'll never see in movies again and has Lorraine Bracco in it for some reason (Perry King and Ellen Harken) and the title pretty much explains the premise: a man-whore is killed by scorned woman, and he is reincarnated as a woman. There's a scene where he tries punching a burly woman (as a woman) and ends up getting his ass kicked and there's also the child-birthing scene that I can recall but nothing else note-worthy.

Simply put, this movie is supposed to be a comedy but there was nothing remarkable or even funny in the movie. Again, I'm basing this off of one viewing some 7-8 years ago. Before I looked it up, I could have sworn it was a black comedy of sorts that was more black and no comedy.

If you get the Mystery Science Theater 3000 joke I made here, you get an ethereal high-five.

Bitch Bitch Bitch: Pomplamoose's Cover of "September"

For those of you who aren't in the know, Pomplamoose is an indie music duo comprised of Jack Conte and Nataly Dawn. They have a Wikipedia page despite me never hearing of them before.

Now I say I haven't heard of them before because I seriously haven't until they were featured in a Something Awful article. Then I did research on them via the Wikipedia article I've already made a link to and found out that they also did 2010 Hyundai Christmas commercials. Back then I've thought of the both of them (who I thought were just commercial jingle singers) as bland and boring with the woman's voice sounding like she's yawning rather than singing. That's what kills me about most supposedly 'indie' songs sung by women: a vast majority of them sound like they're yawning. This is one such example.

Recently, I've watched their video for their cover of a band I can't remember right now's song "September" and, needless to say, my opinion remains steadfast. They're still bland and boring.

 Now, suffice to say, I don't think it's a bad cover. The girl is cute to look at (she has nice eyes) and the addition of using toys for music is cute in itself, and the song isn't a bad rendition of the original....but it lacks the soul of the people who originally wrote it, a certain vibe that makes the EARTH quake and the WIND roar with the passion only equaled by the FIRE of the vibrant personality within. God, I wish I could remember the name of the band....I'm just gonna say it's the Bee Gees for now.

These guys, not so much. The ones that wrote the original, they sounded like after the song, they would want you to keep dancing to yet another 'funkadelic' tune or to pass the fine champagnes and stuff. Pomplamoose is the type of band that strikes me as finishing a song and then sitting down to eat tofu and rice cakes.

Anyway, the key thing to derive from this edition of Bitch Bitch Bitch is that I'm not knocking the song nor its cover, but the Bee Gees had a type of emotion to their song, most evident in "Low Rider", where it was always about a good time and something that doesn't make me fall asleep like half of Pomplamoose's songs. Bland band, good song.

Hope for new captions soon :p



(Note: I know it's by Earth, Wind and Fire and NOT the Bee Gees. That's a joke.)


EDIT (2/12/12): I'm just as surprised as you when you typed 'Pomplamoose' on your search engine and got this page.

Bitch Bitch Bitch: The Video For Lacuna Coil's "Heaven's A Lie"

Today I'm going to start a segment called Bitch Bitch Bitch in which I scathingly review things I don't like. I've done something like this before (with Wednesday 13) that I'm going to tag shortly after I finish this post. Today I'm kind of pissed at myself for buying (and downloading onto the Xbox) Lacuna Coil's video for "Heaven's A Lie".

Don't get me wrong. I like the song. I like its subtle message of not forcing opinions upon others (I would say I'm doing the same thing but I'm not going to outcast you or persist it further if you disagree). I like the melody. What I don't like, however, is the video. There's two videos for this: One is extremely low-budget and just shows the band on a staircase. This is excusable-- this is their first known video. The second is the one I'm reviewing right now, the more high-budget one.

Maybe I'm being a little bit anal about the content of the video. I prefer artistic perspective and humorous antics over just a band being shown playing a song (example: I prefer Tool videos over anything made by Paramore). And Cristina Scabbia is, indeed, beautiful. But her beauty should not be the center of the majority of the video-- otherwise, the band comes across as self-indulgent and narcissistic. Unfortunately, that's exactly what's being done about this video: implying that Lacuna Coil is self-indulgent and narcissistic, even though they may or may not be.

The video starts off with Cristina walking towards the camera and throwing some ninja star, to which Whats-His-Face (Andrea Ferro) dodges in the next frame. The scene then cuts to what appears at first to be a two-story unfinished shed where the band has both singers on alternate floors. When Cristina sings, the camera makes damn sure that it gets every sexy movement and alluring coo to a T. This is basically the entire video from then out:
Chorus: Two bands on two different floors
Verse: Schmexy shoot!
Chorus: Two bands again, with the camera violently shaking
Guitar Break: Guitarist, drummer and bassist and whoever the hell else is surrounded by bullet-motion
Chorus: The band again, fade out with Cristina eyeing you every which way you go.

What the fuck does any of this have to do with the message of the song?

Oh yeah, there's this scene too, which is just another special effect. That's pretty much what this entire video is-- Cristina and special effects. It's like an easily amazed 12-year old who just hit puberty directed the video. I can understand when special effects are used to do what is virtually impossible in real life or to create otherwise non-existant entities and animals and such. What I don't understand is when special effects are used for no fucking reason at all. "It just looks cool" is a shallow response to that. And I expect Lacuna Coil to be a little more artistic than that.

Whatever, I guess. There's probably much more awful videos than this one. Some, with awful songs. Thankfully it's not both with this one. But come on, man. I payed 160 Microsoft Points (About 2 US dollars) for this where I could have just spent it on another House episode. I would expect, if not an equivalent amount of visual and audible entertainment and engagement, SOME of it. 

New caps soon. :p

Wednesday 13

This picture of Liz Vicious, a model I use more often than most to express my female persona Stephanie, reminded me of how the lead singer of Wednesday 13 looked.

And then it reminded me of the band itself. And THAT reminded me that I wanted to talk about them a little bit because it's been on my mind.

The last time I gave a damn, they had two CDs out and I had-- and still have-- one of them: Transylvania 90210: Songs of Death, the Dying, and the Dead. At 16 I thought it was okay. Name one 16-year old into metal, particularly black metal at the time, that doesn't think the same way, though. This was some 5 years ago, and here's my thoughts on it now:

I don't know why I liked Wednesday 13 to begin with. It was some asshole who used to be my best friend that got me into them to begin with and while songs about the supernatural are okay in moderate doses, it's certainly nothing to build three albums around. We have enough of those bands as it is-- Rob Zombie, White Zombie, Marilyn Manson, Dope...basically anything that describes the undead or the dead or sounds like someone that's going to describe the dead would describe Wednesday 13, who I think a one-trick pony nowadays. How many times can you sing of a skeleton before I stop giving a shit about skeletons?

I don't know. This is more a band that should only play on Halloween and then never again until next year. Otherwise, it's pointless and repetitive. Leave that shit to more famous bands than the fucking Murderdolls, another band I don't care for.

That's my opinion on it, though. If you like Wednesday 13, that's fine too...perhaps moreso. I have the album somewhere lying about...it's just the CD though. If you want it, come talk to me.