Bitch Bitch Bitch: The Video For Lacuna Coil's "Heaven's A Lie"

Today I'm going to start a segment called Bitch Bitch Bitch in which I scathingly review things I don't like. I've done something like this before (with Wednesday 13) that I'm going to tag shortly after I finish this post. Today I'm kind of pissed at myself for buying (and downloading onto the Xbox) Lacuna Coil's video for "Heaven's A Lie".

Don't get me wrong. I like the song. I like its subtle message of not forcing opinions upon others (I would say I'm doing the same thing but I'm not going to outcast you or persist it further if you disagree). I like the melody. What I don't like, however, is the video. There's two videos for this: One is extremely low-budget and just shows the band on a staircase. This is excusable-- this is their first known video. The second is the one I'm reviewing right now, the more high-budget one.

Maybe I'm being a little bit anal about the content of the video. I prefer artistic perspective and humorous antics over just a band being shown playing a song (example: I prefer Tool videos over anything made by Paramore). And Cristina Scabbia is, indeed, beautiful. But her beauty should not be the center of the majority of the video-- otherwise, the band comes across as self-indulgent and narcissistic. Unfortunately, that's exactly what's being done about this video: implying that Lacuna Coil is self-indulgent and narcissistic, even though they may or may not be.

The video starts off with Cristina walking towards the camera and throwing some ninja star, to which Whats-His-Face (Andrea Ferro) dodges in the next frame. The scene then cuts to what appears at first to be a two-story unfinished shed where the band has both singers on alternate floors. When Cristina sings, the camera makes damn sure that it gets every sexy movement and alluring coo to a T. This is basically the entire video from then out:
Chorus: Two bands on two different floors
Verse: Schmexy shoot!
Chorus: Two bands again, with the camera violently shaking
Guitar Break: Guitarist, drummer and bassist and whoever the hell else is surrounded by bullet-motion
Chorus: The band again, fade out with Cristina eyeing you every which way you go.

What the fuck does any of this have to do with the message of the song?

Oh yeah, there's this scene too, which is just another special effect. That's pretty much what this entire video is-- Cristina and special effects. It's like an easily amazed 12-year old who just hit puberty directed the video. I can understand when special effects are used to do what is virtually impossible in real life or to create otherwise non-existant entities and animals and such. What I don't understand is when special effects are used for no fucking reason at all. "It just looks cool" is a shallow response to that. And I expect Lacuna Coil to be a little more artistic than that.

Whatever, I guess. There's probably much more awful videos than this one. Some, with awful songs. Thankfully it's not both with this one. But come on, man. I payed 160 Microsoft Points (About 2 US dollars) for this where I could have just spent it on another House episode. I would expect, if not an equivalent amount of visual and audible entertainment and engagement, SOME of it. 

New caps soon. :p